Life doesn’t have to look perfect!

I just finished reading (well listening) to the Magnolia Story by Chip and Joanna Gaines.

A couple weeks ago I had someone tell me that I should really read it. They thought I should read it more to hear how Chip got his start with flipping houses. It was a great book and I loved hearing their story but there was something about that book in the later chapters that made me really sad.

It didn’t have anything to do with their story about how their success came to be or how they started flipping houses, It was a chapter where Joanna was talking to mothers of young children. She was talking to ME. She was sharing about how early on in their success when she had small children she worked so hard to have a perfect house. She would get upset if her kids would make a mess or spill something because it took away from the beauty she was trying to create. She would quickly make them clean up their toys soon after making a mess and was a slave to this idea of everything always looking perfect. As a result she was stressed out and didn’t take the time to enjoy the fun messy life that comes with having small children.

I started to think about how she was pretty much describing me. I LOVE a clean and beautiful house and I don’t think that there is anything wrong with that but, it often stresses me out and makes me frustrated about things that not are not a big deal. My boys are having fun and making memories. I am robbing them of that when I am constantly making a big deal about their books or toys being all over the place. I often feel like all I do all day is clean up. Instead I should be taking that time to make fun memories.

I decided yesterday that I was gonna make conscience effort to not be so uptight about it. Don’t get me wrong I will always love a clean house its just who I am but, I don’t want to miss out on memories with my boys because I am stressed about having a perfect looking house. I thought of the messiest thing I could do with Hudson that I knew he would love and it was to let him make a cake BY HIMSELF. Not with me their trying to stir something or add something so he didn’t make a huge mess. So I helped with measurements and with the oven but other then that I let him have fun and do it. HE LOVED IT and so did I. He really didn’t even make a big mess lol.

I am thankful that someone told me to read that book. It may not have been for the purpose of which I most related but it was just what I needed to hear. If you haven’t read it yet, I highly recommend it!IMG_1545

It’s Totally Okay To Change Your Mind.

How many of you have felt obligated to do something because at one point in time 5 years, weeks or even days ago it felt like the right thing for you? I’m talking about loving or disliking someone, a career path, and even ways you wanted to raise your kiddos and pretty much anything and everything in-between.

I, too have felt this obligation to stick to my word because I made it a huge (in some cases annoying) point to those around me. However, the reality is we change and grow up… we all know that, but what we don’t all know or pay attention is what actually jives with us. What decisions drive us to be our true and best selves. I woke up this morning really thinking about this topic on a personal level and I wanted to share a little about that with you all. So, last night I was relaxing and scrolling through Facebook when a friend had said something about her Meyers-Briggs personality test results and it got me thinking about who I am. I have taken this test several times, done research while getting my degree on it, and never once did I score what I did last night.

So, what does this have to do with changing your mind? Everything. I sat there and tried to justify why that score was wrong, even though I had taken it three different times on different sites. I read the one I scored aloud and that was it.  It jived and it made me feel ALIVE. Again, it all got me thinking… what else have been trying to do that just no longer fits who I am, what other values or people have I been hanging on to that no longer serve me, and what in the world do I do when people start saying, “but didn’t you want…” and “didn’t you work so hard for…” and even “but weren’t you happier with him?”

And to all of that all I have to say is… I have changed my mind. I have decided that those ideas, values, people, and things are not what work for me to be my best and truest self. 

I think as we grow up and begin to realize what we value it leads us to connect to who God meant us to be. I absolutely love to host, chat up people, make new friends, add value to peoples day but I know that isn’t everyone. Go and take a look at the Meyers-Briggs for yourself and you might be surprised too. Keep in mind you may be one person at work and one person at home, it’s not say you have split personalities, just that different environments bring out different strengths.

So, what am I? I’m the Entertainer… ESFP. I also scored as a ENFJ, the more senstive side of me that encourages people to realize their potential but yet is still a tad organized. That organized side me has been pretty non-existent since I joined the ranks of being an entrepreneur… I think I enjoy the freedom too much to worry about color coded notes anymore.

So yes, go check it out and find out what you are, maybe it will surprise you like it did me.

I challenge you to change your mind if what you’re doing, thinking, or feeling just isn’t working any more. Even if it has only been 5 days, if it doesn’t feel good at your core that means God didn’t create you for that purpose. At least that’s my thought on it.

 

My 100 Days

Hi Ladies!

I wanted to get a little personal this week, but before I get started I want to put a trigger warning on this post. This will be about Postpartum Depression.


What is postpartum depression  and why does no one feel like they can talk about it?
The dictionary defines PPD as; depression suffered by a mother following childbirth, typically arising from the combination of hormonal changes, psychological adjustment to motherhood, and fatigue.
I think that’s a nice way to sum it up without going too deep. Unfortunately, that definition just barely touches the surface. Most women have been made to feel that there’s something wrong with them if they have feelings have sadness, overwhelm, anxiety, and anger following childbirth but the reality is we all go through hormonal changes but the varying degrees are what can separate our journeys.

Mine started a few days into being a mother, my counselor had warned me that the first 72 hrs post birth is when the biggest hormonal shift happens. I listened and I thought I was prepared. I had left the hospital 24hrs after a 13hr birthing process where I was only at the hospital for about 5hr and 41min of all of that. I was lucky enough to have had my husband home for the first week of being parents where we basically locked out the world besides my awesome mom who brought us baby goodies and let us take showers. Those 6 days at home we slept (okay, he slept), watched way too much TV, and loved on our newborn son.  Seven days went by and it was time for my husband to go back to work, I definitely again thought I was prepared. I wasn’t. At all. I spent the next 3 weeks in my bathrobe and pajamas basically 24 hrs a day trying to nurse only to discover my sons latch just wasn’t going to work for us. I switched to pumping full time, feeling even more like I had lost all control of my body and myself. Don’t get me wrong, I am beyond thankful that my body was able to provide for my son for the 9 weeks it did before I got sick. But here’s the deal, postpartum for me was sneaky. It was full of isolating, crying, and thinking I HAD to do it all.

Being a brand-spankin’-new mom, wife (less than a yr), and entrepreneur meant that I felt like I had to have the clean house since I was staying home, the perfect child, and I hoped my business would be successful. Besides a healthy child none of this happened. I showered maybe 2x a week, my house looked like a bomb went off, I was hating my body on the regular because I had gained (a healthy amount) weight and my body looked foreign to me, all I wanted to do was sleep and the crying baby really got under my skin (I always take care of little man, don’t worry), and most of all I was doubting our choice to get pregnant in the first place. My husband, bless his heart, had no idea how to help me and still doesn’t. He tries so hard to do the dishes and help when asked but most days its even hard to look at him, but he doesn’t know that. But that’s the thing, postpartum depression looks like so many different things for different people. Personally, like I mentioned it was isolating… which meant I had to force myself out the house and to stop bingeing on netflix drama series crap. It was crying… over nothing and everything. I remember sitting on the couch talking to my son about how great he was going to be and how he could do anything when he grows up and bam, it hit, the tears and I KNEW PPD was in my world now. I let it take over. It took over my relationship with my son, my husband, friends, and even my business.

About two weeks ago I read this article about the 100 days of darkness, basically the 1st 100 days postpartum and it talked about how big the adjustment is and how dark it is for most mothers. Nothing magic happens on day 101 but as baby adjusts, life balances, and as time progresses the darkness lifts. I believe it. We are about 120 days into this parenthood thing and the fog is lifting. I’m starting to get some consistent sleep, business is beginning to flourish, and my relationship with my husband still sucks… but that too shall get better, I think we need a date night eventually.

For those who have battled out PPD and succeed, I applaud you. This is a hard cycle to go through and most you battled it for months and maybe even years.

For those of you who are where I am, in the midst of PPD and the side effects of it that bleed into every aspect of your life, we are stronger than the PPD and this too shall pass.

 

Who do you surround yourself with?

Someone once told me “You are a sum of the 5 people you surround yourself with.”

When it comes to relationships, we are greatly influenced whether we like it or not- by those closest to us.  It affects our way of thinking, our self-esteem, and our decisions. Although we are each our own person, research shows that we are more affected by our environment then we think.

So the question is: Who do you surround yourself with?

Are they people that are positive? Do they push you to your full potential? Do they encourage you and your ideas and dreams? If they answer is yes then you are doing a great job at choosing your friends. But If you think about your friends and words like negative, discouraging, unmotivated and unsupportive come to mind, you may want to re-evaluate those friendships and if they are worth sacrificing your goals and dreams for.

We are only as strong as our weakest link and if someone is constantly pulling you down its gonna be extremely hard to reach your full potential. Don’t let toxic relationships drag you down.

Take some time and really think about who you want to surround yourself with.  For me, I want to be around people that will constantly propel me forward. Friends that aren’t afraid to push me out of my comfort zone,  that want me to succeed and will encourage me every step of the way. Don’t settle for anything less then the BEST!

Do I need to do this?

Do you ever have activities that you dread doing or going to? Have you ever sat down and asked yourself, will this bring me joy/excitement/goodness?

Honestly, I’m not the best at doing this and that’s why I wanted to share some wisdom that I’ve learned along the way. We all must learn to say NO to the things that do not serve us. If we say NO to everything, of course that’s not good. What I’m getting at is saying NO to things when you know in your heart they will not improve your life. Do make sure you are saying YES to things that will bring you out of your comfort zone to experience life in greater ways, because those things will typically lead to joy and growth.

I’m a YES girl. I need to be more of a NO girl. What about you?

I say yes to more than is good for me, but I have learned over the years what my boundaries are and what activities light me up or drain me. I love spending extra time chatting with girlfriends over coffee, but I don’t love picking up that extra shift at work. I enjoy traveling and meeting new people but I will say NO when I’ve hit my limit and need some me time. Personally, I think it’s so important that we learn to find balance in our lives and learn to recognize what fills our cup and what drains it.

Lately, being a new mom and newer wife has meant my life is out of balance and it’s been okay but now I’m ready to get back to finding Mariah – again. This will mean perfecting the great balancing act of friends, family, and self which is difficult for most women. We feel like we need to be all things to all people and that just isn’t the case. I promise you that your sanity is more important than the extra 5 hours of work that week (if you get a choice), the birthday party of your husband’s coworker, the 7 loads of laundry that need to be done and the bathroom that needs to be cleaned.

I dare you to take a cold hard look at what you’re doing to check if it aligns with your dreams, passions, and core beliefs. Are your activities and relationships bringing you joy? I challenge you to list out things that fill your cup and those that drain it, it will help clarify what to say  yes to and what to say no to in your life. This is a step towards regaining your balance.

Feature Friday: Carly Cloer

I’m so excited that Carly Cloer has given us some of her time. In this video she will talk about how she finally found her passion after years of searching for the right opportunity to be in business for herself.

Carly is a wife, mom of two boys, entrepreneur, and resides in Washington State, USA.