If there was one word to describe the process of my life this may just be it. I am not quite sure if that might be a poor choice for a life-word. There are perhaps words I would prefer, but “transformed” is something I find acceptable and maybe even appealing. It not only describes where I have journeyed thus far, but it also defines my aim for my future days and years.
Transformed is a beautiful label for my personal walk, my professional ambitions, and my spiritual process of maturing. I have been forever changed by the extravagant love of Christ. There is nothing quite as discouraging as watching someone, anyone, with potential destroy their future because of a past they cannot seem to overcome. I reached a place in my life where my inventory of years consisted of abuse, abandonment, neglect, loneliness, addiction, panic disorder, PTSD, anorexia, and hate…a lot of hate. My body was consumed with more fear than any one being should be able to survive. Those things did not fuel depression for me. They fueled ambition.
I could twist the perception of this post right here, and I could develop this into a story of rising success. I could base it on my need to prove to the world that its mistreatment of me was not going to define me, and let’s be honest, I tried that route. I didn’t know any better. I just knew I wanted to be better, better than my parents, better than the friends I never had, better than the men I let into my life that I had no business being around, and better than the darkness that threatened to consume me everyday. I wanted acceptance to drown out the voice of rejection. I chased the dream of success not realizing that I needed the joy that comes with the process of transformation.
Can I tell you something? God loves us so much in our dirtiest, ugliest, most cringe-worthy places that He would spend His days singing love songs to your heart while He has appointed a perfectly designed future for your purpose, and guess what…it is transforming. God knew I couldn’t handle deep relationships anytime soon. He knew I needed the satisfaction of exercising my love of art, creativity, homes, and working with my hands. He knew I didn’t learn in a classroom, but in the field where I could be messy and a part of the lesson. God gave me the blessing of working in construction. I then became a Licensed General Contractor. I started a residential design/build company. We weren’t always super stable, but we were honest, fair, and skilled. On the outside I was a “self-made” woman who built something out of nothing. In reality I was a woman surrendered to God who was given an opportunity to be loved by Him, and I took it.
Through my passion for transforming homes God began transforming me. Love began to
replace hate. Patience replaced frustration. Hope replaced disappointment. The process of demo and removing what doesn’t need to be there, and then working through issues, adjusting plans, rebuilding, and bringing out the full potential in order to transform a house has a deep parallel to the restoring work God longs to do in our lives. There is no better vantage point than standing outside of a structure with its roof torn off and its walls peeled back. Suddenly there is clarity to see what has been hiding in deep and difficult places. This is His way as well. My goal is never to destroy a home, it is to transform a home into its fullest potential. This is God’s aim in your life, whether you have no roof or walls, if you have no job, no money, no spouse, no child.
If you have walked through tremendous difficulties, are simply weary, or aren’t sure He can be trusted with your hope, I can tell you His aim is never to destroy you. He is exposing, bringing clarity, and rebuilding. He is the master builder and He has an A+ rating.